Late Refletion

I know it's kind of late, but I've been doing some reflecting on the year that just past by. I've been so busy that I kind of let new years come without thinking about how I'm going to make this year better than all the others. I'm not really the one to make any resolutions because I never follow through. "Its just another day", is what I've been telling myself. After all.. it really is just another day. But when I went to bed last night, I couldn't sleep, it kind of just hit me.. I'm not all that satisfied with my life. I told myself many times before, I'm content. Maybe I was, or maybe I was afraid of wanting more because I couldn't make it happen for myself.

Looking back, I've changed drastically, I used to hang out with my friends all the time, spend money like it was nothing (I was a very impulsive shopper), I had more confidence in myself, had a higher self esteem, I even had a big ego, but now I feel like a whole different person. I'm so much more conserved, most of my self confidence is gone and my ego is barely even there. I don't know what happened, I guess I started to realize what was more important, I stopped going out to save money, since I don't have a job anymore and also to study, I now take school more seriously after first year. But once that all started, I also started to stop talking to most of my friends, always turning down hangouts and parties. I pretty much became anti-social. It wasn't that bad at first, because I finally had time to myself to do whatever I wanted, but eventually, I just got really lazy and just didn't want to make the effort to go out and do anything with people.

During this winter break, I went out everyday, today is the first day I'm actually at home doing nothing at all. That's probably more than all that I've been out in the summer (badminton and running doesn't count). It just kind of made me realized how much I really miss spending time with my friends. Too bad winter semester begins on Monday, I'm going to turn back into a hermit.